|
|
|
I guess now I can actually write good lyrics since I'm heartbroken. I think they're actually good lyrics and they have full musical arrangements with an acoustic and electric rendition.
My Broken Heart
My heart is broken.
I can't smile anymore.
My heart is torn in two
My life feels shortened
and it's getting hard to breath.
My heart is torn over you.
This is what poets
always write about.
Now I've figured it out.
I wish I could find
a way to turn back time
so you could still be mine.
I've never felt this pain before
and it's too hard to ignore
and put it all away.
I can't believe I've lost it all.
I've crumbled and I've fallen
into this heartache.
I was always honest.
At least I gave that to you.
You only deserved truth.
One day I messed up
and I told you a lie
into your trusting eyes.
It was a mistake.
One I wish I could take back
but I can't do that.
I said I'm sorry.
I take responsibility.
Please forgive me.
Forgive me for hurting you.
Forgive me for not saying the truth.
All I wanted was to get you out of my mind,
but instead I lost the best thing in my life.
Everyday I wake up
out of a dream
to my misery.
I'll be waiting
while I'm falling apart
for the end of my broken heart.
Inspired by Bell.
Rene
|
| Subject: | ????? |
| Time: | 4:34 am. |
| Mood: |  guilty. | | Music: | Avenged Sevenfold - The Beast and The Harlot. |
|
well, I think I messed up one of the best things I've had in my life lately. I've ruined whatever chance I had of rebuilding my relationship with my ex-girlfriend, and I messed it up before it even started. it's kinda wierd, because out of all the mistakes i've made with her, (from breaking up with her when I couldn't afford to feed myself because I didn't think she'd care enough to put up with it, to being too nice to her friend right in front of her) my biggest mistake was the only lie I've EVER told her. Now I actually AM an asshole. For some reason, I don't think I'm a nice guy anymore and I'm the asshole that I thought I'd never be. now it feels like I have to reevaluate myself like I've actually forgotten who I am all because of a stupid lie that I didn't have to lie about.
I am kinda proud of myself because even after I lied, I was big enough to tell everyone the truth, but it still means nothing without forgiveness. after I told her the truth and she left, I felt so sick with myself and the extent of what I did that I actually threw up. I've never thrown up just off emotions before, but I guess this was enough to turn my stomach. I do feel like I ruined everything before we could rebuild anything, but what would have been better? taking responsibility, telling the truth, and accepting the consequence...or keeping it a secret and living with a lie and unbearable guilt. I'm very glad I was big enough to tell her the truth, especially since the biggest reason I told her was because I knew she deserved my honesty and I cared enough about her to give it to her.
I don't know. I could always argue that she messed up twice really big before, (and problably for worse reasons) and even after totally losing trust and not even knowing what to believe, still found the patience and understanding to forgive her. Even after going through a rollercoaster of lies and almost knowing two different people in one person, I still cared enough about this girl to stick it out with her. I do think that trust is so easy to give but it takes a lot more to retrust and forgive someone. I could take that rout, but that would just be turning things around and looking for a scapegoat from the past. either way I take full responsibility for what I've done.
I can only explain myself one way; I didn't know what to think at the time. I had just broken up with her and been so fed up with how our relationship looped around and my growing jealousy (which I still kind of am). I never thought I'd be a jealous person, but it only takes one person i guess. at the time I was so angry and just wanted to get her out of my mind that by doing certain things, I thought I could clear her out. lying about this only made it easier to cope, but when it all boils down to it I was trying to get her out of my mind and trying to get me out of hers by any means neccesary. unfortunately, when we started talking again and starting reinforcing our friendship it was too late and I couldn't take anything back of course.
I don't know. I can only ask for forgiveness and would really appreciate some understanding but it's up to her. until then, if I'm around her I think I'll feel to guilty and full of sorrow that I problably won't even be able to look her in the eyes. I know for sure that I really need to think about me as a person because I know that I'm still the same nice guy on the inside and this was a mistake fueled by anger and confusion. you can always ask what's to keep me from doing it again? I'll say experience. I'll problably even get a better understanding of myself out of this anyway.
as for her? all I can say is I do wish the best for her and I don't think she knows how sorry I am. maybe this is how she felt when her lies came back around to me. I don't know if she threw up though. all I know is that I can't sleep and even though I was consumed by the guilt of my lie, now the thought that's eating me is that this could be it. after everything we've struggled through together and how we've grown. it's funny how it can all be thrown away with one lie.
I do still care about her though. she's the only girl I have cared about like this. she deserved only the truth for me and well, I guess even if for some reason we never speak again, I only wish the best for her.
I would really like it if y'all comment. any words of wisdom or encouragement will be really appreciated.
Rene
|
|
Wednesday, May 17th, 2006
|
|
|
1) How old are u? 19
2) Where were you when 9/11 happened? In my technical writing class my freshman year at sci-tech.
3) What do you do when vending machines steal your money? I'll usually curse in a mix of english and spanish and start beating the machine
4) Do you consider yourself kind? yes
5) If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be? either my arm or my back
6) If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be? german or maybe portugese
7) Do you know your neighbors? a few. more my old neighbors
8) What do you consider a vacation? more than two days off of work at a time
10) Would you move for the person you loved? yeah
11) Are you touchy feely? not all the time
12) Do you believe that opposites attract? yeah
13) Dream job? let's see. rock star or actor. either that or soccer player.
14) Favorite channel(s)? problably mtv, mun2, and fuse
15) Favorite place to go on weekends? with friends, doesn't matter where
17) Do you paint your nails? nope
18) Do you trust people easily? unfortunately, yes
19) What are your phobias? falling asleep at the wheel and killing someone
20) Do you want kids? of course, but when I'm ready
21) Do you keep a handwritten journal? nope
22) Where would you rather be right now? at the beach
23) Who makes you feel warm and fuzzy? old man sweaters
24) Heavy or light sleep? I've slept through a tornado
25) Are you paranoid? maybe
26) Are you impatient? when i'm hungry I guess.
27) Who can you relate to? um, people like me
28) How do you feel about interracial couples? hell yeah
29) Have you been burned by love? um...i guess
30) Whats your life motto? keep on keeping on
31) What's your main ringtone on your mobile? All Falls Down - Kanye West
32) What were you doing at midnight last night? drinking
33) What did the last text on your cellphone say? lol, it was from andy
34) Who's bed did you sleep in last night? my friends couch and I think her bathroom for a little while
35) What color shirt are you wearing? gray
36) Most recent movie you watched? 40 year old virgin
37) Name three things you have on you at all times? wallet, cell phone, and usually gum
38.) What color are your bed sheets? black and white or blue
39) How much cash do you have on you right now? none
40) What is your favorite part of the chicken? chicken strips. or the breast
41) What's your favorite town/city? I really like monterrey
42) I can't wait till: I go back to school
43) Who got you to join myspace? lol, mitzi
44) What did you have for dinner last night? I dunno
45) How tall are you barefoot? five ten and a half
46) Have you ever smoked heroin? no
47) Do you own a gun? an air gun. and my biceps, lol.
48) What do you prefer to drink in the morning? water
49) What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex? um, I guess my conversation skills. I look people in the eye when I talk
50) Do you have A.D.D.? sometimes
51) What time did you wake up today? like 10 in the morning
52) Current worry? getting back in school, getting a job
53) Current hate? don't hate
54) Favorite place to be? the beach
55) Where would you like to travel? the nice parts of mexico
56) Where do you think you'll be in 10 yrs? either rich or dead
57) Last thing you ate? pasta
58) What songs do you sing in the shower? everything
59) Last thing that made you laugh? don't remember
60) Worst injury you've ever had? um I hit myself with a baseball bat and of course the dislocated knee
61) Does someone have a crush on you? all women do. lol j/k
62) What is your favorite candy? mmm crunchy m and ms
63) What song do you want played at your funeral? I won't see you tonight part 1 - Avenged Sevenfold and running by no doubt
|
|
Thursday, March 30th, 2006
|
|
|
so neway. I've been pretty poor, and yes it sucks. rent's coming up and I'm not making that many tips at Red Robin. It's a cool place to work though. everyone's pretty nice and I'm actually working with people my age, even though I'm still a "baby". I'm problably gonna start working there lunches and go back to Denny's at night, just to get my head above water.
what else. Aissa and I are pretty happy. finally a relationship where the girl hasn't gone crazy, and doesn't make a big deal if I'm nice to our waitress. Once I get some money I think I'm gonna take a road trip to san antonio to see the avenged show. that'll be pretty fun. maybe I'll even go farther north and visit some friends.
As for school. I'm problably gonna go back to pana am. at least for now. maybe not take that many hours. I also wanna join one of the soccer teams here in McAllen. I've been getting really into it and getting my kicks back. I feel like I've been losing weight, partly because of the lack of money and partly because I've been doing more. Neway gotta go but keep on trucking.
Rene
|
|
Wednesday, February 1st, 2006
|
|
|
well, I'm here at IB again. applying for school. I'm actually leaning towards texas state. maybe even unt. it really doesn't matter, as long as I get out of the valley and back in school.
finances have been hard again. but it's ok. I've been working for two weeks straight so my paycheck will be nice and fat. also, my parents finally sold the house so I'll be getting back at least 2 grand by the end of the month.
my dad's finally in the hospital for his serosis. maybe he won't give up on life and actually try living again. I dunno.
what else. I ran over my mom's cat and took it to the vet where they had to put it down. my cat's now an outside cat, which is a good thing.
I went and saw avenged in corpus. they fuckin rocked. they played a bunch of their old stuff. that was fantastic.
I've been getting lot of nooney lately. I'm almost borderline man-ho. but I know I'm not going to be.
neway, off to get my phone hooked up again.
Rene
|
|
Sunday, January 1st, 2006
|
| Subject: | 2006 |
| Time: | 7:28 pm. |
| Mood: |  happy. | | Music: | Avenged Sevenfold - Waking The Fallen. |
|
well, happy new year. I had a great time at the beach. drank myself silly. pretty fun. we're planning on going to the beach tomorrow too, so that'll be really fun.
2005. what can I say. problably the worst and best year of my life. I moved out. entered the workforce. learned to wash like a pro. lol. somehow balanced the work of IB, full time work, graveyard shifts, and sleep and actually made it through with a diploma. hmm, what else. went into college, dropped out of college, workin at coffee zone also but looking for another job. all in all, it's been pretty rough, especially those days when I don't have anything to eat, or barely have enough gas to get to work and back. lol, no matter what, I always just remember that there are a lot of people who have it worse than I do, and if they can make it, so can I.
so here's to a new year, a new beginning, going back to school (hopefully), and to a whole lot more of good times. oh yeah, for everyone who keeps up with my life and actually cares, thanks for the support, it means a lot. one more thing, for those of you who might kinda think I'm a role model, I'm not. I'm just a man scratching and surviving.
Rene
|
|
Wednesday, December 21st, 2005
|
|
|
|
well, I guess I'm officially single again. pretty much the way it's always been and the way I've been used to. so, anyone up for a date. lol. they gave us movie gift cards at work, and I promise not to leave a big hickey.
|
|
Sunday, December 18th, 2005
|
|
|
wow, well, how's it been. pretty sucky. actually, really sucky. hmm let's see.
I have 3 dollars in my bank account.
I'm wanted by the dps because I didn't have any money to pay the ticket so now I have an outstanding fine.
I don't have money to pay my phone bill.
I hit this stupid ass car parked on the side of the street, so that's 600 dollars I have to pay to that dumb fuck.
hmmm, what else. I obviously NEED another job.
my parents arn't doing anything and are just as bad as I am, so I don't expect them to pay me back the grand and a half I lent them anytime soon.
I have no idea where my life is going.
Oh, problably the worst part is that I've been on a diet of oatmeal and ramen for the past week.
being hungry isn't too bad, but it's embarrassing eating with people when you havn't eaten in three days. no matter how hard you try, there's no other way to eat than desperate.
oh yeah, to top it all off, I split up with a really cool girl because I'm too disappointed in myself to think I deserve her.
"it's the most wonderful time of the year"...bullshit.
it's pretty fucking bad, but just two more months, another job, a little more hunger, and I should be back on my feet again.
as for school, I'm very afraid that if I don't go back next year, I never will.
it's hard to say, but I'm not sure if anyone can help me, or even if I deserve help.
my worst fear: turning out to be a fuck-up of a man like my father.
death of a salesman is my life, but the good thing is that I still have time to change my stars and make something better out of myself instead of just falling into the vicious cycle of my forefather's struggling class.
"He who makes a beast out of himself, gets rid of the pain of being a man"...it does hurt. especially my stomach.
ok, wtf, there are a bunch of questions missing...damnit veronica.
200. My middle name is: Antonio
199: I was born on: October 7th, 1986
198. I am a: Man
196. My eye color is: light brown, some people see green
195. My shoe size is: 12
194. My ring size is: i have no idea
192. My height is: 5'10-11
191. I am allergic to: used to be allergic to ant bites. not allergic to anything anymore
190. I live in: McAllen Tx
189. The last three books I read:
1)Life of Pi - Yann Martel
2)Franny - J.D. Salinger
3)Notes of a Chemical Childhood
188. My bed is: shared with a kitty
187. One thing I know for sure about the opposite sex: they're all crazy to a certain extent
186. I am glad I'm my sex because: I'm strong
184. My best friend is: Andy, my mom, bonnie sue
181. Three things I live for: hope, tomorrow, life
179. My favorite Holiday is: Halloween
178. A perfect kiss: has to be passionate
177. The last two albums I bought are: Be - Common, The End of Heartache - Killswitch Engage
176. Last song that made me cry was: Hey Mama - Kanye West
172. My most treasured possession is: my health
170. What did you do last night: worked, read, drank, slept
167. My skin's reaction to the sun is (tan/burn): I tan until I'm black
:::::I Do (YES)/Do Not (NO) Believe In:::::
143. Santa? yes, still do
142. Love at first sight? nope
141. Luck?: no
140. Fate?: no
139. God?: not anymore
138. Aliens?: otherworldly life, yes. Carl Sagan is the man
137. Heaven?: no
136. Hell?: no
135. Ghosts?: no
134. Horoscopes?: no, but sometimes, they can really freak you out. once it predicted that I would get some action...and I did.
135. Soulmates? yeah
:::::Which is Better?:::::
129. Hugs or Kisses?: hugs, they're warmer
128. Drunk or High: high
127. Phone or Online?: don't have either so...in person
126. Red heads or Black hair? black hair for sure but redheads can be super sexy
125. Blondes or Brunettes: brunnette
120. Night or Day: Afternoon-Night
119. Oranges or Apples: ooohh, any food is good
118. Curly or Straight hair: straight
:::::Here's What I Think About:::::
116. Abortion?: easy way to kids to dodge responsibility, but if someone got raped, then it's ok if it's in the first trimester
115. Backstabbers?: help you know who you're friends are
114. Parents?: hold me back, but I have to help since they've done a lot for me
110. School?: need to go back if I ever do.
::::Last time I::::
104. Took a Shower: today before work
103. Kissed someone: problably, a few days ago
102. Hugged someone: i hugged ging today
101. Seen someone I havent seen in awhile: ging, michael, andy, arod
99. Grew: everyone's saying I'm growing bigger, not fatter, but getting muscle, i guess.
::::MISC::::
90. Who's the ditziest person I know: geez, that's a hard one. there's this one really ditzy customer at coffee Zone, but she's still cool.
89. Who are the people who make me laugh the most: um, I dunno. a lot of people.
87. One thing I'm pissed about right now is: being in debt
83. The last movie I saw in the theater was: chronicles of narnia...it was alright.
82. The thing I don't understand is: what I want to do for the rest of my life.
81. The dumbest thing you have ever said: lol, um...I'm gonna have to leave that one up to whoever wants to reply
80. The most unsatisfactory answer I've ever received is: no. lol.
79. The one thing I love about the opposite sex is: eyes. they say a lot about a person. ummm...and problably legs.
76. Next summer I: I have no idea
75. Something I will really miss when I leave home is: um...well that happened a while ago. but I miss my mom the most.
74. The thing that I'm looking forward to the most: getting on my feet
73. Tomorrow: work, and hanging out with friends
72. Today: woke up, cleaned, worked
71. This Summer: want to get out of here.
70. Next Week: working/job hunting
67. People call me: Rene, Renae, Reeeneee, and lot of other things
64. The person I have been good friends with the longest: victoria
62. The person who knows the most about me is? andy
61. The person that can read me the best is: hmmm, i dunno. I've been surprised lately
60. The most difficult thing to do is: have something good happen for me...at least lately
59. I have gotten a speeding ticket: no
58. I have the following siblings: none
57. My favorite people are: friends and family
56. My zodiac sign is: Libra
55. The first person I thought i was in love with was: problably Debra
53. The one person who can't hide things from me: no one. everyone can hide things, and I'm slow to get things sometimes too.
51. Right now I am talking to: no one
48. I have a job at: Coffee Zone
47. I have these pets: My kitty Esperanza Maria
46. I wish I was: away at college
45. The worst sound in the world: when a whole band is in tune and one instrument hits a bad note.
44. The person that makes me cry the most is? um...no one
43. The best shoulder to cry on is: problably my own
41. I almost died when: i was born, a fan almost fell on me, I was almost fully run over.
39. My boy/girlfriend: no one right now.
34. My favorite state? Texas
33. My favorite piece of clothing is: problably jeans
32. My favorite sport to play is: football, tennis, soccer, hockey
31. Last time I cried: um...when I left my mom
29. What i'm wearing right now is: work pants and a sweater
28. The school I go to is: school of life
27. The last person I got pissed off at was: problably this one idiot guy at work
26. My worst drinking experience was: one time at the beach. I just plain drank a lot of beer, and fast. the next day I woke up and felt like shit the whole way back. I called in sick that day too.
24. The last movie I watched was: Spiderman
22. The all-time best movie is: Barefoot in the Park. I know it's a play, but I really like the one with jane fonda and robert redford.
21. The all-time best thing in the world is: problably water
19. The most annoying thing ever is: I dunno
17. I lose all respect for people who: let me down when I trust them
16. The movies I have cried at are: ok, this is a hard one. and this is just shedding a tear, not bawling. moulin rouge, pinnochio, friday night lights.
11. The worst pain I was ever in was: this one time I ate, friend chicken, pop-corn chicken, 2 girl scout cookie boxes, some rice, and a gallon of kool-aid. the kool-aid did it for me. I felt like I was going to explode, I think I almost did. when I threw up, I felt better.
10. My favorite phrases: "fuck yeah" "ummmm" "man, what the fuck"
9. My room is: filled with laundry
8. My favorite celebrity is: problably my guilty pleasure...ashlee simpson
6. My downfall is? my lack of money
5. My weakness is? right now...food
4. What turns me on is: when a girl has that little sparkle in her eyes. a few girls have it all the time. most girls just have it every once in a while...and when a girl smiles with her eyes.
3. I want this to end because? i need to sleep before I go into work
2. I filled out 200 questions because? I saw it on ronnie's little myspace post and was bored.
1. Was it fun? fuck yeah
Rene
|
|
Sunday, December 4th, 2005
|
|
|
ok let's see how poor I'm going to be this month.
bills:
1. rent
2. phone
3. utilities
4. groceries
5. gas
6. insurance
7. ticket that I just got. hopefully I can work it off with community service.
8. also bought a 280z for 600. it's pretty damn cool. havta learn to drive standard, but it's defenitely worth it.
and all of that adds up to about...hmmm...a lot more than I have. if only my parents would pay me back the money I lent them. 2 bad they don't have it either. in conclusion, that song that says "all you need is love" didn't have to pay bills. oh yeah, on top of all that, the cowboys lost. life throws sucky things at you sometimes.
| <~~aLL aBOUT mE sURVEY~~~> | | aLL aBOUT yOU... | | Full name: | Rene Antonio Ballesteros Romero | | Nickname: | way too many | | Place of Birth: | San Antonio, TX | | Birthday: | 10-07-86 | | Hair Color: | Brown | | Eye Color: | Brown, honey, hazle | | Screen Name: | acidburn010007 | | If you could change your name what would it be: | nothing. I really like my name. | | fAVORITES... | | Color: | orange | | Movie: | Barefoot in The Park | | Song: | Happy Now - No Doubt | | Band: | No Doubt | | Day of the year: | my birthday/halloween | | Food: | mexican | | Feature on yourself: | eyes | | Least favorite feature on yourself: | disporportional hair coverage (hairy legs) | | Sport: | soccer,football | | Store: | Wal-Mart | | Vacation spot: | Monterrey | | Season: | everything except for summer. | | Restaurant: | fresco's | | dO yOU pREFER... | | coke/pepsi: | coke | | chocolate/vanilla: | vanilla | | dog/cat: | dog | | skim/whole/1 percent/2 percent milk: | 2 percent | | black/white: | both | | sing/dance: | sing | | rock/rap: | rock | | top/bottom: | top | | tv/radio: | tv | | doctor/dentist: | doctor | | deaf/blind: | deaf | | lOVE sTUFF... | | Are you single: | no | | If so, do you have somone in mind: | many | | Who: | there are lots of good girls | | What personality traits do you look for in a guy/girl: | smart, sense of humor, has to have a passion for something | | Whats the first thing(physical) you notice about a guy/girl: | eyes | | Do you prefer the good or bad guy/girl: | depends on the situation | | Have you ever kissed someone: | yes | | Have you ever been in love: | yeah, probably | | Have you ever had a broken heart: | no | | Do you believe in love at first sight: | in a way | | Is love important: | yes | | Are love and sex connected: | they can be | | Has anyone ever loved you: | yes | | Does someone love you right now: | yes | | Who was the last person you said i love you to: | my mom | | dATING... | | Last date you had good/bad: | good | | Did you hook up on it?: | nope | | Would you hook up on a first date: | yep | | Who was your first kiss: | back in pre-k. I had a little girlfriend | | Are you gay/straight/bi: | straight | | Your ideal date is(what would you do): | problably a carnival | | Your ideal male/female is(what do you look for): | I don't have a specific type, but being cute and funny are always good | | Should a girl ask out a guy: | they can if they want | | Which flowers should you give/recieve..what type would you like to give/get: | give daisies. what type of flower would I want...hmmmm...lol | | What should a person NEVER EVER EVER do on a first date: | say "I love you". way too soon. | | oTHER rANDOM sTUFF... | | Have you gone skinny dipping: | yes | | Have you ever been out of the country: | yes | | Do you believe in god: | ...I dunno | | Do you want to get married: | yes | | Do you play any sports: | yes | | What was the last phone number you dialed: | my uncle's | | Have you gone swimming in an ocean: | yes | | Have you cried in public: | problably | | Worst fear: | never going away. | | How long does it take you to get ready/take a shower: | I can do it really quickly, but usually half an hour. | | Last movie you saw in the theater: | saw 2 | | Last movie rented: | I don't even remember | | Personal Quote: | if you love doing what you do, then you'll never work a day in your life | | Any regrets: | don't believe in them | | Whats your career of choice(dream job): | havn't figured it out yet | | Do you know how to play any instruments: | guitar, drums, tuba, trombone, a little tiny bit of piano | | Do you like to be naked: | lol, on occasions | | Do you drink: | yes | | If so whats your favorite drink: | vodka and lemonade | | Do you smoke: | smoke what? lol, on occasion | | If so what: | a few things | | Do you do drugs: | hardly | | If so what: | depends | | Is crack really wack: | yes | | If you could change your hair color would you: | yeah, sure. | | What color: | black | | If you could change your eye color would you: | yeah | | What color: | maybe a little more green than they are | | What are you wearing right now: | shirt, jeans, cowboy boots | | Does anyone tell you that you look like someone: | yes | | If so who: | donny osmond, shawn hunter from boy meets world | | Do you think you look like them: | no | | yOUR fRIENDS aND sTUFF...: | woot | | The friend you know will be passed out in a gutter in a week: | lol, maybe stevie | | The most confused friend: | maybe me at times | | Prettiest friend(female): | lol, there are many | | Hottest friend(male): | i dunno | | Last friend you talked to: | joey | | Last "friend" you wish you hadn't talked to: | this stupid girl from work | | The "friend" you wish would fall off a cliff: | the stupid girl from work | | The "friend" you could imagine becoming more than a "friend": | I could maybe imagine some | | Friend you miss the most when they're gone: | all of them | | Last time you kissed a friend: | yestarday | | How many friends roughly do you think you have: | real friends...hmm...a good amount | | How many "enemies" do you have: | none | | Which one of your friends pisses you off the most: | the stupid girl from work | | Who are your best friends: | problably friends I've known the longest | | mUSIC... | | Greatest song you've ever heard: | there are some really cool piano songs | | Last song you listened to: | simple kind of man | | Greatest band ever: | no doubt | | Worst song/band ever: | creed | | Song that makes you dance no matter what: | take on me | | Song you hope no one finds out you like: | mmm, I have a few guilty pleasures. (kelly, ahslee) | | Song that brings bad memories: | broken home - papa roach | | Sond that brings good memories: | la media vuelta - vicente fernandes | | sEX... | | Are you a virgin: | nope | | How do you define virgin: | someone who hasn't had sex | | Last person you thought about having sex with: | hmmm. the waitress from house of china. | | Person you will NEVER EVER EVER have sex with: | this gross girl that used to want my nuts from work | | What will you never do in bed: | um i dunno, problably pee on someone | | Which erm do you prefer love making, poking, fucking, boning, sex, doing it: | fucking | | Who's the last person you slept with but didnt have sex with: | hmmm, lol | | How Far have you gone: | rounded all the bases | | When was the last time you have sex(even if it was with yourself): | lol wtf. um...a few days ago I guess. | Take this survey | Find more surveys
You've been totally Bzoink*d |
|
|
Monday, November 28th, 2005
|
| Time: | 12:59 am. |
| Mood: | happy. | | Music: | Gorillaz - Clint Eastwood. |
|
Name- Rene Antonio Ballesteros Romero
Sex- male
Age- 19
Height- 5'10''-11''
Weight- I dunno. last time I checked I was like 170.
Eye Color- honey brown, confused with green if I wear the right thing.
Hair Color- brown
FAVORITES
color- orange. blue's the second.
movie- barefoot in the park.
actor/actress- britanny murphy
song- The Crimson - Atreyu, And All Things Will End - Avenged Sevenfold
book- The Catcher in the Rye
tv show- supernatural
outfit- my trendyish blue/brown pants, christian dior shirt, and GBX shoes
memory- getting my IB diploma in the mail
hobby- music
person- my mom. she's pretty much my best friend and loves me regardless
YOU LAST:
talked to face to face- andy
talked to on the phone- aissa
talked to online- bonnie sue
hugged- aissa
kissed- aissa
yelled at- stevie
said i love you to- mama
went shopping- with stevie, joey, and javie
showered- earlier today
brushed your teeth- after I ate at Taqueria el Zarape
prayed/worshipped- thanksgiving dinner
cried- lol, when I moved out and left my mother alone
laughed- lol, um...I laught a lot
YOU THINK OF_______ WHEN YOU SEE/HEAR:
sun- playing outside during the heat wave of 94' all day and then having my hair change colors. blondish on the top, red on the sides, and brown towards the bottom.
moon- friday night football games at McAllen stadium
stars- orion. the only constellation I know and you can almost always see in McAllen
love- friends
friendship- high school, the band
family- monterrey
breakfast- nothing. I usually don't eat breakfast
dinner- tuna helper
computer- the internet and day of defeat
cell phone- "the radio...it all falls down" my ringer.
car- my giant lumbering tank of a truck.
|
|
Thursday, November 24th, 2005
|
|
|
ok. new plan. friday will be an all out party. gonna warm things up with a progresso lunch trip, followed by a nighttime party at my house starting at 8ish I guess. I'm calling in sick and making a fake doctor's excuse, so everybody come and make my post thanksgiving worth it. I work on thanksgiving so that sucks. but yeah, yknow the number.
Rene
|
|
Wednesday, November 23rd, 2005
|
|
|
wednesday. at 3:00 pm. progresso trip. whoever wants to come can come. just bring your green card. gather up the troops. like old times. call andy or me for more info.
Rene
|
|
Sunday, November 13th, 2005
|
| Time: | 10:30 pm. |
| Mood: |  hopeful. | | Music: | Avenged Sevenfold - And All Things Will End. |
|
If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want, either good or bad. When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your LJ and be surprised about what people remember about you.
well, I feel really disappointed about getting out of pan-am. sure, I had to do it, but what a shame. right now I'm gonna be making some major bank though at both my jobs. I'm kind of glad I got out of school. I've made a lot of mistakes already and going through school and busting my ass was a big one that I don't want to do again.
on the good news, I got a cat and this girl Aissa is turning out to be really cool. hopefully she won't turn out to be crazy like the other girls I dated.
what have I been doing with my newfound time? getting things done. reading. enjoying life. appreciating it a little more. I see this as a learning experience.
oh yeah, and if you leave a memory, make sure it's a good one. things have been a little shitty lately and some positive reinforcement would help me out.
Go Cowboys!
|
|
Tuesday, November 8th, 2005
|
| Subject: | my life. |
| Time: | 8:40 am. |
| Mood: | hopeful. | | Music: | Killswitch Engage - Rose of Sharyn. |
|
wow lots of changes have come around.
Bad news first. big bad new too. I withdrew from Pan-Am. Before everyone starts freaking out it was for good reasons...basically wasn't making enough money to keep my head above water. it sucks a nut, but I'm defenitely gonna reapply next year. hopefully by then I'll have enough money saved up and be a little more stable. maybe I'll even go somewhere else, up north for college. My parents were the first people I told, and thankfully they're supporting me. I know everyone's gonna be disappointed, but it's just something I have to do. life sucks.
on a good note I got a raise up to 6.00 and hour and I'm hopefully gonna start at Denny's again. maybe i'll buy a car and get my shit together. lol, I've only told my parents and friends. I don't want to tell IB, but when I'm done with the book Nikstad lent me, I know I'm gonna have to tell them. I think they'll understand though, but they'll problably yell at me either way.
more good news, Kelly Clarkson, December 7th. oh yeah, and this girl I'm talking to is really nice. she's not Kelly Clarkson, but still really good.
well, I guess that's all from Rene's Rock Your World News. is my life spiraling down the toilet? will I become a criminal and go to jail?
Rene
|
|
Sunday, October 30th, 2005
|
| Subject: | halloween |
| Time: | 9:12 pm. |
| Mood: | happy. | | Music: | Killswitch Engage - My Last Serenade. |
|
kelly clarkson is coming down on december seventh. too bad it's on a wednesday. if anyone needs an my services as an escort to the concer that night, let me know, because I will defenitely go, for purely professional reasons...not to enjoy the concert in the least.
neway, I love halloween. the one day girls can look slutty and get away with it. I think girl's halloween costumes are an aphrodesiac to me. maybe this means I'll be into roleplaying...wierd to think about, but tomorrow I have to practice control.
well tomorrow I'm either gonna be a straight up vampire, a cowboy vampire, or a vampire server. either way, it'll be cool. I'm leaning for vampire server during the day. and straight up scary vampire at night. I've seen too many vampire movies lately and wow they're sexual.
I was looking over the warning I got in edinburg two months ago and under the race it had a little w. that rocked my world. that cop totally thought I was white. I'm appalled. maybe that's why I got a warning. always trying to keep the mexican man down!
oh yeah, for all those who always want to know my hours
Monday - Friday 11-5
Saturday 3 - close
you're white complected friend,
Rene
|
|
Friday, October 28th, 2005
|
|
|
omg what a week. First of all I saw Marta Benavidez at H-E-B. btw I have a little news journalist crush on her. anyway, she's even prettier in person, but I was too shy to ask her for a picture, and either way, she doesn't want to be bothered when she's shopping. she's a human being just like everyone else, except on tv.
well, it's almost time for my favorite holiday of the year...HALLOWEEN. I really like halloween, and october in general.
don't you love it when you look into a mirror and realize how good-looking you are. lol, I'm not vain or super into myself, I just have confidence. But it seriously sneaks up on you.
Being nineteen is pretty cool. Kinda sucks, cause you're older, but you're still pretty damn young. I can't wait until I'm like 22 and a little more financially secure. ready to settle down and start living a decent life. until then, keep working at Coffee Zone.
Speaking of Coffee Zone. I've been giving them my balls and they've hardly appreciated shit. This last pay period I worked 105 hours. That's 25 hours overtime, but I only got paid 8 hours overtime. I can't do anything about it because they're a privately owned business and always argue that they count hours by different weeks and all this bullshit. Always trying to keep the Mexican man down. wtf.
yknow when you have a picture of someone in your mind that you'd like to meet and then you actually meet them...yeah that's pretty cool. so anyway...I've been dating this girl, and she's really nice. she's really pretty too. She might even be hot for me....but maybe not. anyway, she's actually the first girl younger than me that I've EVER dated. every girl ever for me has been older...and now I'm seeing a 17 year old...almost feel like a chester.
I don't know why my posts always say happy. seriously...wthell is wrong with me. lol.
OH YEAH!!!! I just found out that KELLY CLARKSON is playing at the dodge arena. I would totally go...but that'd be really embarrasing and I'd have to go in a mask or something. lol. I still remember singing since you've been gone in the lounge. good times.
Rene
|
|
Monday, October 17th, 2005
|
|
|
well, this weekend was fun. lots of good times. I saw waiting and it was a sooouuupper funny movie. I think it's funnier if you've actually worked at a restaurant and know all the stupid shit that goes on there. Andy, you should see it.
"did you see the tits on table twelve?"
lol, I laughed so hard when I heard that. oh the memories. Anyway, I'm planning on having a party on saturday...again. Either way I've got the day off. I almost want to invite high school kids, but I don't know if I should. taking care of their little irresponsibly drunk asses and then wondering if they got home ok. lol j/k. I don't care. Whoever wants to come, as long as they're cool.
I decided what my halloween costumes are going to be. I'm going to wear my Denny's uniform to Coffee Zone (hopefully I don't get sued). at night, I'm just going to dress like Hank Williams. all I need are boots.
they finally gave me my dream schedule at work. I'm working lunch all week and closing one day on the weekend. either way, the owner said she'd rather have me serving during lunch since I was her best server. ooooo, number one.
time for a chem test.
Rene
|
|
Tuesday, October 11th, 2005
|
|
|
to: Veronica
I love you "from the bottom of my broken heart" because "you get me."
ps. a lot more than mitzi
from: Rene
|
|
Monday, October 10th, 2005
|
|
|
wow, talk about a really fun and alcoholic weekend.
friday: was fun. I slept in and went to a stupid meeting at work. after that, I installed some x-mas lights on my porch that are really cool for parties and make my house look like a quincenera is going on. after that, I went and bought some tequila and vodka. I really should have started the party earlier than eleven, because I started drinking at 8.00 so by the time everyone got there, wooooo, I was happy. I was very glad everyone went, mostly coffee zone people, but I also would have liked for many others to have been there with me. yknow who you are. my presents, a bottle of fuki saki (which finished my night at 12:30) and a raspberry flavored condom (I have no idea what I'll do with that, lol). neway, the next morning I woke up in my bed, but the scary thing was that my pants were undone. first thought, omg I've been raped! after I asked everyone at the party, I figured that I wasn't raped. it was still pretty scary.
saturday: since there was alcohol left over, I decided to have a post birthday birthday party. very good times.
hmmm, what else. overall, I had a very good time. I'm very appreciative of those that went, and upset at those that didn't after I took the time to go to IB to invite them (Delta's). oh well, I guess I overestimated how much they could hang. either way, they're ONLY high school kids. lol.
closing arguments: true friends either find or make time for you. I appreciate all of them. I wish I could have been selfish and flown everyone down to me. o well.
P.S. - I didn't get the tattoo because the guy wasn't there. I've had time to think and I'm not sure if I want now. I think I'll get it when I'm older and have a better idea of who I am and what I'm doing.
Rene
|
|
Thursday, October 6th, 2005
|
|
|
well, it's official. I'm having a big huge birthday party at my house tomorrow. well ok, maybe not big huge, but there will be people. pretty much everyone invited is coffee zone, sci-tech, pan-amd, the delta class, and any gammas that happen to be down. I don't think anyone's coming down though. either way it'll be fun.
I finally decided what I want my tattoo to be. two crossed flags, one the mexican flag, and the other the texas flag. I think it'll be cool and it's something I'm proud of. either way I talked to a guy at the drive thru at coffee zone who does work at a shop and invited to come in so he'll give me a good deal.
just one more day, until the big 19.
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
acidburn107's journal
heartbroken.
hungry.
drunk.
excited.