Rene

never been through this before

Sat, 03 Jun 2006 10:36:18 GMT

I guess now I can actually write good lyrics since I'm heartbroken. I think they're actually good lyrics and they have full musical arrangements with an acoustic and electric rendition.

My Broken Heart

My heart is broken.
I can't smile anymore.
My heart is torn in two
My life feels shortened
and it's getting hard to breath.
My heart is torn over you.

This is what poets
always write about.
Now I've figured it out.
I wish I could find
a way to turn back time
so you could still be mine.

I've never felt this pain before
and it's too hard to ignore
and put it all away.
I can't believe I've lost it all.
I've crumbled and I've fallen
into this heartache.

I was always honest.
At least I gave that to you.
You only deserved truth.
One day I messed up
and I told you a lie
into your trusting eyes.

It was a mistake.
One I wish I could take back
but I can't do that.
I said I'm sorry.
I take responsibility.
Please forgive me.

Forgive me for hurting you.
Forgive me for not saying the truth.
All I wanted was to get you out of my mind,
but instead I lost the best thing in my life.

Everyday I wake up
out of a dream
to my misery.
I'll be waiting
while I'm falling apart
for the end of my broken heart.

Inspired by Bell.
Rene

?????

Thu, 01 Jun 2006 10:20:26 GMT

well, I think I messed up one of the best things I've had in my life lately. I've ruined whatever chance I had of rebuilding my relationship with my ex-girlfriend, and I messed it up before it even started. it's kinda wierd, because out of all the mistakes i've made with her, (from breaking up with her when I couldn't afford to feed myself because I didn't think she'd care enough to put up with it, to being too nice to her friend right in front of her) my biggest mistake was the only lie I've EVER told her. Now I actually AM an asshole. For some reason, I don't think I'm a nice guy anymore and I'm the asshole that I thought I'd never be. now it feels like I have to reevaluate myself like I've actually forgotten who I am all because of a stupid lie that I didn't have to lie about.

I am kinda proud of myself because even after I lied, I was big enough to tell everyone the truth, but it still means nothing without forgiveness. after I told her the truth and she left, I felt so sick with myself and the extent of what I did that I actually threw up. I've never thrown up just off emotions before, but I guess this was enough to turn my stomach. I do feel like I ruined everything before we could rebuild anything, but what would have been better? taking responsibility, telling the truth, and accepting the consequence...or keeping it a secret and living with a lie and unbearable guilt. I'm very glad I was big enough to tell her the truth, especially since the biggest reason I told her was because I knew she deserved my honesty and I cared enough about her to give it to her.

I don't know. I could always argue that she messed up twice really big before, (and problably for worse reasons) and even after totally losing trust and not even knowing what to believe, still found the patience and understanding to forgive her. Even after going through a rollercoaster of lies and almost knowing two different people in one person, I still cared enough about this girl to stick it out with her. I do think that trust is so easy to give but it takes a lot more to retrust and forgive someone. I could take that rout, but that would just be turning things around and looking for a scapegoat from the past. either way I take full responsibility for what I've done.

I can only explain myself one way; I didn't know what to think at the time. I had just broken up with her and been so fed up with how our relationship looped around and my growing jealousy (which I still kind of am). I never thought I'd be a jealous person, but it only takes one person i guess. at the time I was so angry and just wanted to get her out of my mind that by doing certain things, I thought I could clear her out. lying about this only made it easier to cope, but when it all boils down to it I was trying to get her out of my mind and trying to get me out of hers by any means neccesary. unfortunately, when we started talking again and starting reinforcing our friendship it was too late and I couldn't take anything back of course.

I don't know. I can only ask for forgiveness and would really appreciate some understanding but it's up to her. until then, if I'm around her I think I'll feel to guilty and full of sorrow that I problably won't even be able to look her in the eyes. I know for sure that I really need to think about me as a person because I know that I'm still the same nice guy on the inside and this was a mistake fueled by anger and confusion. you can always ask what's to keep me from doing it again? I'll say experience. I'll problably even get a better understanding of myself out of this anyway.

as for her? all I can say is I do wish the best for her and I don't think she knows how sorry I am. maybe this is how she felt when her lies came back around to me. I don't know if she threw up though. all I know is that I can't sleep and even though I was consumed by the guilt of my lie, now the thought that's eating me is that this could be it. after everything we've struggled through together and how we've grown. it's funny how it can all be thrown away with one lie.

I do still care about her though. she's the only girl I have cared about like this. she deserved only the truth for me and well, I guess even if for some reason we never speak again, I only wish the best for her.

I would really like it if y'all comment. any words of wisdom or encouragement will be really appreciated.

Rene

Thu, 18 May 2006 01:52:39 GMT

1) How old are u? 19

2) Where were you when 9/11 happened? In my technical writing class my freshman year at sci-tech.

3) What do you do when vending machines steal your money? I'll usually curse in a mix of english and spanish and start beating the machine

4) Do you consider yourself kind? yes

5) If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be? either my arm or my back

6) If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be? german or maybe portugese

7) Do you know your neighbors? a few. more my old neighbors

8) What do you consider a vacation? more than two days off of work at a time

10) Would you move for the person you loved? yeah

11) Are you touchy feely? not all the time

12) Do you believe that opposites attract? yeah

13) Dream job? let's see. rock star or actor. either that or soccer player.

14) Favorite channel(s)? problably mtv, mun2, and fuse

15) Favorite place to go on weekends? with friends, doesn't matter where

17) Do you paint your nails? nope

18) Do you trust people easily? unfortunately, yes

19) What are your phobias? falling asleep at the wheel and killing someone

20) Do you want kids? of course, but when I'm ready

21) Do you keep a handwritten journal? nope

22) Where would you rather be right now? at the beach

23) Who makes you feel warm and fuzzy? old man sweaters

24) Heavy or light sleep? I've slept through a tornado

25) Are you paranoid? maybe

26) Are you impatient? when i'm hungry I guess.

27) Who can you relate to? um, people like me

28) How do you feel about interracial couples? hell yeah

29) Have you been burned by love? um...i guess

30) Whats your life motto? keep on keeping on

31) What's your main ringtone on your mobile? All Falls Down - Kanye West

32) What were you doing at midnight last night? drinking

33) What did the last text on your cellphone say? lol, it was from andy

34) Who's bed did you sleep in last night? my friends couch and I think her bathroom for a little while

35) What color shirt are you wearing? gray

36) Most recent movie you watched? 40 year old virgin

37) Name three things you have on you at all times? wallet, cell phone, and usually gum

38.) What color are your bed sheets? black and white or blue

39) How much cash do you have on you right now? none

40) What is your favorite part of the chicken? chicken strips. or the breast

41) What's your favorite town/city? I really like monterrey

42) I can't wait till: I go back to school

43) Who got you to join myspace? lol, mitzi

44) What did you have for dinner last night? I dunno

45) How tall are you barefoot? five ten and a half

46) Have you ever smoked heroin? no

47) Do you own a gun? an air gun. and my biceps, lol.

48) What do you prefer to drink in the morning? water

49) What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex? um, I guess my conversation skills. I look people in the eye when I talk

50) Do you have A.D.D.? sometimes

51) What time did you wake up today? like 10 in the morning

52) Current worry? getting back in school, getting a job

53) Current hate? don't hate

54) Favorite place to be? the beach

55) Where would you like to travel? the nice parts of mexico

56) Where do you think you'll be in 10 yrs? either rich or dead

57) Last thing you ate? pasta

58) What songs do you sing in the shower? everything

59) Last thing that made you laugh? don't remember

60) Worst injury you've ever had? um I hit myself with a baseball bat and of course the dislocated knee

61) Does someone have a crush on you? all women do. lol j/k

62) What is your favorite candy? mmm crunchy m and ms

63) What song do you want played at your funeral? I won't see you tonight part 1 - Avenged Sevenfold and running by no doubt

I'm so poor

Thu, 30 Mar 2006 18:42:03 GMT

so neway. I've been pretty poor, and yes it sucks. rent's coming up and I'm not making that many tips at Red Robin. It's a cool place to work though. everyone's pretty nice and I'm actually working with people my age, even though I'm still a "baby". I'm problably gonna start working there lunches and go back to Denny's at night, just to get my head above water.

what else. Aissa and I are pretty happy. finally a relationship where the girl hasn't gone crazy, and doesn't make a big deal if I'm nice to our waitress. Once I get some money I think I'm gonna take a road trip to san antonio to see the avenged show. that'll be pretty fun. maybe I'll even go farther north and visit some friends.

As for school. I'm problably gonna go back to pana am. at least for now. maybe not take that many hours. I also wanna join one of the soccer teams here in McAllen. I've been getting really into it and getting my kicks back. I feel like I've been losing weight, partly because of the lack of money and partly because I've been doing more. Neway gotta go but keep on trucking.

Rene

college

Wed, 01 Feb 2006 20:22:47 GMT

well, I'm here at IB again. applying for school. I'm actually leaning towards texas state. maybe even unt. it really doesn't matter, as long as I get out of the valley and back in school.

finances have been hard again. but it's ok. I've been working for two weeks straight so my paycheck will be nice and fat. also, my parents finally sold the house so I'll be getting back at least 2 grand by the end of the month.

my dad's finally in the hospital for his serosis. maybe he won't give up on life and actually try living again. I dunno.

what else. I ran over my mom's cat and took it to the vet where they had to put it down. my cat's now an outside cat, which is a good thing.

I went and saw avenged in corpus. they fuckin rocked. they played a bunch of their old stuff. that was fantastic.

I've been getting lot of nooney lately. I'm almost borderline man-ho. but I know I'm not going to be.

neway, off to get my phone hooked up again.

Rene

2006

Mon, 02 Jan 2006 01:37:44 GMT

well, happy new year. I had a great time at the beach. drank myself silly. pretty fun. we're planning on going to the beach tomorrow too, so that'll be really fun.

2005. what can I say. problably the worst and best year of my life. I moved out. entered the workforce. learned to wash like a pro. lol. somehow balanced the work of IB, full time work, graveyard shifts, and sleep and actually made it through with a diploma. hmm, what else. went into college, dropped out of college, workin at coffee zone also but looking for another job. all in all, it's been pretty rough, especially those days when I don't have anything to eat, or barely have enough gas to get to work and back. lol, no matter what, I always just remember that there are a lot of people who have it worse than I do, and if they can make it, so can I.

so here's to a new year, a new beginning, going back to school (hopefully), and to a whole lot more of good times. oh yeah, for everyone who keeps up with my life and actually cares, thanks for the support, it means a lot. one more thing, for those of you who might kinda think I'm a role model, I'm not. I'm just a man scratching and surviving.

Rene

the single life

Thu, 22 Dec 2005 00:28:32 GMT

well, I guess I'm officially single again. pretty much the way it's always been and the way I've been used to. so, anyone up for a date. lol. they gave us movie gift cards at work, and I promise not to leave a big hickey.

I hate being optimistic at times like this.

Sun, 18 Dec 2005 12:12:06 GMT

wow, well, how's it been. pretty sucky. actually, really sucky. hmm let's see.

I have 3 dollars in my bank account.
I'm wanted by the dps because I didn't have any money to pay the ticket so now I have an outstanding fine.
I don't have money to pay my phone bill.
I hit this stupid ass car parked on the side of the street, so that's 600 dollars I have to pay to that dumb fuck.
hmmm, what else. I obviously NEED another job.
my parents arn't doing anything and are just as bad as I am, so I don't expect them to pay me back the grand and a half I lent them anytime soon.
I have no idea where my life is going.
Oh, problably the worst part is that I've been on a diet of oatmeal and ramen for the past week.
being hungry isn't too bad, but it's embarrassing eating with people when you havn't eaten in three days. no matter how hard you try, there's no other way to eat than desperate.
oh yeah, to top it all off, I split up with a really cool girl because I'm too disappointed in myself to think I deserve her.

"it's the most wonderful time of the year"...bullshit.

it's pretty fucking bad, but just two more months, another job, a little more hunger, and I should be back on my feet again.
as for school, I'm very afraid that if I don't go back next year, I never will.
it's hard to say, but I'm not sure if anyone can help me, or even if I deserve help.
my worst fear: turning out to be a fuck-up of a man like my father.
death of a salesman is my life, but the good thing is that I still have time to change my stars and make something better out of myself instead of just falling into the vicious cycle of my forefather's struggling class.

"He who makes a beast out of himself, gets rid of the pain of being a man"...it does hurt. especially my stomach.

ok, wtf, there are a bunch of questions missing...damnit veronica.
200. My middle name is: Antonio
199: I was born on: October 7th, 1986
198. I am a: Man
196. My eye color is: light brown, some people see green
195. My shoe size is: 12
194. My ring size is: i have no idea
192. My height is: 5'10-11
191. I am allergic to: used to be allergic to ant bites. not allergic to anything anymore
190. I live in: McAllen Tx
189. The last three books I read:
1)Life of Pi - Yann Martel
2)Franny - J.D. Salinger
3)Notes of a Chemical Childhood
188. My bed is: shared with a kitty
187. One thing I know for sure about the opposite sex: they're all crazy to a certain extent
186. I am glad I'm my sex because: I'm strong
184. My best friend is: Andy, my mom, bonnie sue
181. Three things I live for: hope, tomorrow, life
179. My favorite Holiday is: Halloween
178. A perfect kiss: has to be passionate
177. The last two albums I bought are: Be - Common, The End of Heartache - Killswitch Engage
176. Last song that made me cry was: Hey Mama - Kanye West
172. My most treasured possession is: my health
170. What did you do last night: worked, read, drank, slept
167. My skin's reaction to the sun is (tan/burn): I tan until I'm black
:::::I Do (YES)/Do Not (NO) Believe In:::::
143. Santa? yes, still do
142. Love at first sight? nope
141. Luck?: no
140. Fate?: no
139. God?: not anymore
138. Aliens?: otherworldly life, yes. Carl Sagan is the man
137. Heaven?: no
136. Hell?: no
135. Ghosts?: no
134. Horoscopes?: no, but sometimes, they can really freak you out. once it predicted that I would get some action...and I did.
135. Soulmates? yeah
:::::Which is Better?:::::
129. Hugs or Kisses?: hugs, they're warmer
128. Drunk or High: high
127. Phone or Online?: don't have either so...in person
126. Red heads or Black hair? black hair for sure but redheads can be super sexy
125. Blondes or Brunettes: brunnette
120. Night or Day: Afternoon-Night
119. Oranges or Apples: ooohh, any food is good
118. Curly or Straight hair: straight
:::::Here's What I Think About:::::
116. Abortion?: easy way to kids to dodge responsibility, but if someone got raped, then it's ok if it's in the first trimester
115. Backstabbers?: help you know who you're friends are
114. Parents?: hold me back, but I have to help since they've done a lot for me
110. School?: need to go back if I ever do.
::::Last time I::::
104. Took a Shower: today before work
103. Kissed someone: problably, a few days ago
102. Hugged someone: i hugged ging today
101. Seen someone I havent seen in awhile: ging, michael, andy, arod
99. Grew: everyone's saying I'm growing bigger, not fatter, but getting muscle, i guess.
::::MISC::::
90. Who's the ditziest person I know: geez, that's a hard one. there's this one really ditzy customer at coffee Zone, but she's still cool.
89. Who are the people who make me laugh the most: um, I dunno. a lot of people.
87. One thing I'm pissed about right now is: being in debt
83. The last movie I saw in the theater was: chronicles of narnia...it was alright.
82. The thing I don't understand is: what I want to do for the rest of my life.
81. The dumbest thing you have ever said: lol, um...I'm gonna have to leave that one up to whoever wants to reply
80. The most unsatisfactory answer I've ever received is: no. lol.
79. The one thing I love about the opposite sex is: eyes. they say a lot about a person. ummm...and problably legs.
76. Next summer I: I have no idea
75. Something I will really miss when I leave home is: um...well that happened a while ago. but I miss my mom the most.
74. The thing that I'm looking forward to the most: getting on my feet
73. Tomorrow: work, and hanging out with friends
72. Today: woke up, cleaned, worked
71. This Summer: want to get out of here.
70. Next Week: working/job hunting
67. People call me: Rene, Renae, Reeeneee, and lot of other things
64. The person I have been good friends with the longest: victoria
62. The person who knows the most about me is? andy
61. The person that can read me the best is: hmmm, i dunno. I've been surprised lately
60. The most difficult thing to do is: have something good happen for me...at least lately
59. I have gotten a speeding ticket: no
58. I have the following siblings: none
57. My favorite people are: friends and family
56. My zodiac sign is: Libra
55. The first person I thought i was in love with was: problably Debra
53. The one person who can't hide things from me: no one. everyone can hide things, and I'm slow to get things sometimes too.
51. Right now I am talking to: no one
48. I have a job at: Coffee Zone
47. I have these pets: My kitty Esperanza Maria
46. I wish I was: away at college
45. The worst sound in the world: when a whole band is in tune and one instrument hits a bad note.
44. The person that makes me cry the most is? um...no one
43. The best shoulder to cry on is: problably my own
41. I almost died when: i was born, a fan almost fell on me, I was almost fully run over.
39. My boy/girlfriend: no one right now.
34. My favorite state? Texas
33. My favorite piece of clothing is: problably jeans
32. My favorite sport to play is: football, tennis, soccer, hockey
31. Last time I cried: um...when I left my mom
29. What i'm wearing right now is: work pants and a sweater
28. The school I go to is: school of life
27. The last person I got pissed off at was: problably this one idiot guy at work
26. My worst drinking experience was: one time at the beach. I just plain drank a lot of beer, and fast. the next day I woke up and felt like shit the whole way back. I called in sick that day too.
24. The last movie I watched was: Spiderman
22. The all-time best movie is: Barefoot in the Park. I know it's a play, but I really like the one with jane fonda and robert redford.
21. The all-time best thing in the world is: problably water
19. The most annoying thing ever is: I dunno
17. I lose all respect for people who: let me down when I trust them
16. The movies I have cried at are: ok, this is a hard one. and this is just shedding a tear, not bawling. moulin rouge, pinnochio, friday night lights.
11. The worst pain I was ever in was: this one time I ate, friend chicken, pop-corn chicken, 2 girl scout cookie boxes, some rice, and a gallon of kool-aid. the kool-aid did it for me. I felt like I was going to explode, I think I almost did. when I threw up, I felt better.
10. My favorite phrases: "fuck yeah" "ummmm" "man, what the fuck"
9. My room is: filled with laundry
8. My favorite celebrity is: problably my guilty pleasure...ashlee simpson
6. My downfall is? my lack of money
5. My weakness is? right now...food
4. What turns me on is: when a girl has that little sparkle in her eyes. a few girls have it all the time. most girls just have it every once in a while...and when a girl smiles with her eyes.
3. I want this to end because? i need to sleep before I go into work
2. I filled out 200 questions because? I saw it on ronnie's little myspace post and was bored.
1. Was it fun? fuck yeah

Rene

omg, I am going to be poor.

Mon, 05 Dec 2005 04:46:08 GMT

ok let's see how poor I'm going to be this month.
bills:
1. rent
2. phone
3. utilities
4. groceries
5. gas
6. insurance
7. ticket that I just got. hopefully I can work it off with community service.
8. also bought a 280z for 600. it's pretty damn cool. havta learn to drive standard, but it's defenitely worth it.

and all of that adds up to about...hmmm...a lot more than I have. if only my parents would pay me back the money I lent them. 2 bad they don't have it either. in conclusion, that song that says "all you need is love" didn't have to pay bills. oh yeah, on top of all that, the cowboys lost. life throws sucky things at you sometimes.

*<~~aLL aBOUT mE sURVEY~~~>*
aLL aBOUT yOU...
Full name:	Rene Antonio Ballesteros Romero
Nickname:	way too many
Place of Birth:	San Antonio, TX
Birthday:	10-07-86
Hair Color:	Brown
Eye Color:	Brown, honey, hazle
Screen Name:	acidburn010007
If you could change your name what would it be:	nothing. I really like my name.
fAVORITES...
Color:	orange
Movie:	Barefoot in The Park
Song:	Happy Now - No Doubt
Band:	No Doubt
Day of the year:	my birthday/halloween
Food:	mexican
Feature on yourself:	eyes
Least favorite feature on yourself:	disporportional hair coverage (hairy legs)
Sport:	soccer,football
Store:	Wal-Mart
Vacation spot:	Monterrey
Season:	everything except for summer.
Restaurant:	fresco's
dO yOU pREFER...
coke/pepsi:	coke
chocolate/vanilla:	vanilla
dog/cat:	dog
skim/whole/1 percent/2 percent milk:	2 percent
black/white:	both
sing/dance:	sing
rock/rap:	rock
top/bottom:	top
tv/radio:	tv
doctor/dentist:	doctor
deaf/blind:	deaf
lOVE sTUFF...
Are you single:	no
If so, do you have somone in mind:	many
Who:	there are lots of good girls
What personality traits do you look for in a guy/girl:	smart, sense of humor, has to have a passion for something
Whats the first thing(physical) you notice about a guy/girl:	eyes
Do you prefer the good or bad guy/girl:	depends on the situation
Have you ever kissed someone:	yes
Have you ever been in love:	yeah, probably
Have you ever had a broken heart:	no
Do you believe in love at first sight:	in a way
Is love important:	yes
Are love and sex connected:	they can be
Has anyone ever loved you:	yes
Does someone love you right now:	yes
Who was the last person you said i love you to:	my mom
dATING...
Last date you had good/bad:	good
Did you hook up on it?:	nope
Would you hook up on a first date:	yep
Who was your first kiss:	back in pre-k. I had a little girlfriend
Are you gay/straight/bi:	straight
Your ideal date is(what would you do):	problably a carnival
Your ideal male/female is(what do you look for):	I don't have a specific type, but being cute and funny are always good
Should a girl ask out a guy:	they can if they want
Which flowers should you give/recieve..what type would you like to give/get:	give daisies. what type of flower would I want...hmmmm...lol
What should a person NEVER EVER EVER do on a first date:	say "I love you". way too soon.
oTHER rANDOM sTUFF...
Have you gone skinny dipping:	yes
Have you ever been out of the country:	yes
Do you believe in god:	...I dunno
Do you want to get married:	yes
Do you play any sports:	yes
What was the last phone number you dialed:	my uncle's
Have you gone swimming in an ocean:	yes
Have you cried in public:	problably
Worst fear:	never going away.
How long does it take you to get ready/take a shower:	I can do it really quickly, but usually half an hour.
Last movie you saw in the theater:	saw 2
Last movie rented:	I don't even remember
Personal Quote:	if you love doing what you do, then you'll never work a day in your life
Any regrets:	don't believe in them
Whats your career of choice(dream job):	havn't figured it out yet
Do you know how to play any instruments:	guitar, drums, tuba, trombone, a little tiny bit of piano
Do you like to be naked:	lol, on occasions
Do you drink:	yes
If so whats your favorite drink:	vodka and lemonade
Do you smoke:	smoke what? lol, on occasion
If so what:	a few things
Do you do drugs:	hardly
If so what:	depends
Is crack really wack:	yes
If you could change your hair color would you:	yeah, sure.
What color:	black
If you could change your eye color would you:	yeah
What color:	maybe a little more green than they are
What are you wearing right now:	shirt, jeans, cowboy boots
Does anyone tell you that you look like someone:	yes
If so who:	donny osmond, shawn hunter from boy meets world
Do you think you look like them:	no
yOUR fRIENDS aND sTUFF...:	woot
The friend you know will be passed out in a gutter in a week:	lol, maybe stevie
The most confused friend:	maybe me at times
Prettiest friend(female):	lol, there are many
Hottest friend(male):	i dunno
Last friend you talked to:	joey
Last "friend" you wish you hadn't talked to:	this stupid girl from work
The "friend" you wish would fall off a cliff:	the stupid girl from work
The "friend" you could imagine becoming more than a "friend":	I could maybe imagine some
Friend you miss the most when they're gone:	all of them
Last time you kissed a friend:	yestarday
How many friends roughly do you think you have:	real friends...hmm...a good amount
How many "enemies" do you have:	none
Which one of your friends pisses you off the most:	the stupid girl from work
Who are your best friends:	problably friends I've known the longest
mUSIC...
Greatest song you've ever heard:	there are some really cool piano songs
Last song you listened to:	simple kind of man
Greatest band ever:	no doubt
Worst song/band ever:	creed
Song that makes you dance no matter what:	take on me
Song you hope no one finds out you like:	mmm, I have a few guilty pleasures. (kelly, ahslee)
Song that brings bad memories:	broken home - papa roach
Sond that brings good memories:	la media vuelta - vicente fernandes
sEX...
Are you a virgin:	nope
How do you define virgin:	someone who hasn't had sex
Last person you thought about having sex with:	hmmm. the waitress from house of china.
Person you will NEVER EVER EVER have sex with:	this gross girl that used to want my nuts from work
What will you never do in bed:	um i dunno, problably pee on someone
Which erm do you prefer love making, poking, fucking, boning, sex, doing it:	fucking
Who's the last person you slept with but didnt have sex with:	hmmm, lol
How Far have you gone:	rounded all the bases
When was the last time you have sex(even if it was with yourself):	lol wtf. um...a few days ago I guess.
Take this survey \| Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d

Mon, 28 Nov 2005 07:15:54 GMT

Name- Rene Antonio Ballesteros Romero
Sex- male
Age- 19
Height- 5'10''-11''
Weight- I dunno. last time I checked I was like 170.
Eye Color- honey brown, confused with green if I wear the right thing.
Hair Color- brown

FAVORITES
color- orange. blue's the second.
movie- barefoot in the park.
actor/actress- britanny murphy
song- The Crimson - Atreyu, And All Things Will End - Avenged Sevenfold
book- The Catcher in the Rye
tv show- supernatural
outfit- my trendyish blue/brown pants, christian dior shirt, and GBX shoes
memory- getting my IB diploma in the mail
hobby- music
person- my mom. she's pretty much my best friend and loves me regardless

YOU LAST:
talked to face to face- andy
talked to on the phone- aissa
talked to online- bonnie sue
hugged- aissa
kissed- aissa
yelled at- stevie
said i love you to- mama
went shopping- with stevie, joey, and javie
showered- earlier today
brushed your teeth- after I ate at Taqueria el Zarape
prayed/worshipped- thanksgiving dinner
cried- lol, when I moved out and left my mother alone
laughed- lol, um...I laught a lot

YOU THINK OF_______ WHEN YOU SEE/HEAR:
sun- playing outside during the heat wave of 94' all day and then having my hair change colors. blondish on the top, red on the sides, and brown towards the bottom.
moon- friday night football games at McAllen stadium
stars- orion. the only constellation I know and you can almost always see in McAllen
love- friends
friendship- high school, the band
family- monterrey
breakfast- nothing. I usually don't eat breakfast
dinner- tuna helper
computer- the internet and day of defeat
cell phone- "the radio...it all falls down" my ringer.
car- my giant lumbering tank of a truck.

party.

Thu, 24 Nov 2005 07:39:32 GMT

ok. new plan. friday will be an all out party. gonna warm things up with a progresso lunch trip, followed by a nighttime party at my house starting at 8ish I guess. I'm calling in sick and making a fake doctor's excuse, so everybody come and make my post thanksgiving worth it. I work on thanksgiving so that sucks. but yeah, yknow the number.

Rene

progresso trip.

Wed, 23 Nov 2005 07:29:22 GMT

wednesday. at 3:00 pm. progresso trip. whoever wants to come can come. just bring your green card. gather up the troops. like old times. call andy or me for more info.

Rene

Mon, 14 Nov 2005 04:38:36 GMT

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want, either good or bad. When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your LJ and be surprised about what people remember about you.

well, I feel really disappointed about getting out of pan-am. sure, I had to do it, but what a shame. right now I'm gonna be making some major bank though at both my jobs. I'm kind of glad I got out of school. I've made a lot of mistakes already and going through school and busting my ass was a big one that I don't want to do again.

on the good news, I got a cat and this girl Aissa is turning out to be really cool. hopefully she won't turn out to be crazy like the other girls I dated.

what have I been doing with my newfound time? getting things done. reading. enjoying life. appreciating it a little more. I see this as a learning experience.

oh yeah, and if you leave a memory, make sure it's a good one. things have been a little shitty lately and some positive reinforcement would help me out.

Go Cowboys!

my life.

Tue, 08 Nov 2005 15:04:38 GMT

wow lots of changes have come around.

Bad news first. big bad new too. I withdrew from Pan-Am. Before everyone starts freaking out it was for good reasons...basically wasn't making enough money to keep my head above water. it sucks a nut, but I'm defenitely gonna reapply next year. hopefully by then I'll have enough money saved up and be a little more stable. maybe I'll even go somewhere else, up north for college. My parents were the first people I told, and thankfully they're supporting me. I know everyone's gonna be disappointed, but it's just something I have to do. life sucks.

on a good note I got a raise up to 6.00 and hour and I'm hopefully gonna start at Denny's again. maybe i'll buy a car and get my shit together. lol, I've only told my parents and friends. I don't want to tell IB, but when I'm done with the book Nikstad lent me, I know I'm gonna have to tell them. I think they'll understand though, but they'll problably yell at me either way.

more good news, Kelly Clarkson, December 7th. oh yeah, and this girl I'm talking to is really nice. she's not Kelly Clarkson, but still really good.

well, I guess that's all from Rene's Rock Your World News. is my life spiraling down the toilet? will I become a criminal and go to jail?

Rene

halloween

Mon, 31 Oct 2005 03:27:24 GMT

kelly clarkson is coming down on december seventh. too bad it's on a wednesday. if anyone needs an my services as an escort to the concer that night, let me know, because I will defenitely go, for purely professional reasons...not to enjoy the concert in the least.

neway, I love halloween. the one day girls can look slutty and get away with it. I think girl's halloween costumes are an aphrodesiac to me. maybe this means I'll be into roleplaying...wierd to think about, but tomorrow I have to practice control.

well tomorrow I'm either gonna be a straight up vampire, a cowboy vampire, or a vampire server. either way, it'll be cool. I'm leaning for vampire server during the day. and straight up scary vampire at night. I've seen too many vampire movies lately and wow they're sexual.

I was looking over the warning I got in edinburg two months ago and under the race it had a little w. that rocked my world. that cop totally thought I was white. I'm appalled. maybe that's why I got a warning. always trying to keep the mexican man down!

oh yeah, for all those who always want to know my hours
Monday - Friday 11-5
Saturday 3 - close

you're white complected friend,
Rene

Almost HALLOWEEN!

Fri, 28 Oct 2005 14:15:49 GMT

omg what a week. First of all I saw Marta Benavidez at H-E-B. btw I have a little news journalist crush on her. anyway, she's even prettier in person, but I was too shy to ask her for a picture, and either way, she doesn't want to be bothered when she's shopping. she's a human being just like everyone else, except on tv.

well, it's almost time for my favorite holiday of the year...HALLOWEEN. I really like halloween, and october in general.

don't you love it when you look into a mirror and realize how good-looking you are. lol, I'm not vain or super into myself, I just have confidence. But it seriously sneaks up on you.

Being nineteen is pretty cool. Kinda sucks, cause you're older, but you're still pretty damn young. I can't wait until I'm like 22 and a little more financially secure. ready to settle down and start living a decent life. until then, keep working at Coffee Zone.

Speaking of Coffee Zone. I've been giving them my balls and they've hardly appreciated shit. This last pay period I worked 105 hours. That's 25 hours overtime, but I only got paid 8 hours overtime. I can't do anything about it because they're a privately owned business and always argue that they count hours by different weeks and all this bullshit. Always trying to keep the Mexican man down. wtf.

yknow when you have a picture of someone in your mind that you'd like to meet and then you actually meet them...yeah that's pretty cool. so anyway...I've been dating this girl, and she's really nice. she's really pretty too. She might even be hot for me....but maybe not. anyway, she's actually the first girl younger than me that I've EVER dated. every girl ever for me has been older...and now I'm seeing a 17 year old...almost feel like a chester.

I don't know why my posts always say happy. seriously...wthell is wrong with me. lol.

OH YEAH!!!! I just found out that KELLY CLARKSON is playing at the dodge arena. I would totally go...but that'd be really embarrasing and I'd have to go in a mask or something. lol. I still remember singing since you've been gone in the lounge. good times.

Rene

party, party

Mon, 17 Oct 2005 14:12:44 GMT

well, this weekend was fun. lots of good times. I saw waiting and it was a sooouuupper funny movie. I think it's funnier if you've actually worked at a restaurant and know all the stupid shit that goes on there. Andy, you should see it.

"did you see the tits on table twelve?"

lol, I laughed so hard when I heard that. oh the memories. Anyway, I'm planning on having a party on saturday...again. Either way I've got the day off. I almost want to invite high school kids, but I don't know if I should. taking care of their little irresponsibly drunk asses and then wondering if they got home ok. lol j/k. I don't care. Whoever wants to come, as long as they're cool.

I decided what my halloween costumes are going to be. I'm going to wear my Denny's uniform to Coffee Zone (hopefully I don't get sued). at night, I'm just going to dress like Hank Williams. all I need are boots.

they finally gave me my dream schedule at work. I'm working lunch all week and closing one day on the weekend. either way, the owner said she'd rather have me serving during lunch since I was her best server. ooooo, number one.

time for a chem test.

Rene

veronica

Tue, 11 Oct 2005 06:14:26 GMT

to: Veronica

I love you "from the bottom of my broken heart" because "you get me."

ps. a lot more than mitzi

from: Rene

what a weekend!

Tue, 11 Oct 2005 06:10:52 GMT

wow, talk about a really fun and alcoholic weekend.
friday: was fun. I slept in and went to a stupid meeting at work. after that, I installed some x-mas lights on my porch that are really cool for parties and make my house look like a quincenera is going on. after that, I went and bought some tequila and vodka. I really should have started the party earlier than eleven, because I started drinking at 8.00 so by the time everyone got there, wooooo, I was happy. I was very glad everyone went, mostly coffee zone people, but I also would have liked for many others to have been there with me. yknow who you are. my presents, a bottle of fuki saki (which finished my night at 12:30) and a raspberry flavored condom (I have no idea what I'll do with that, lol). neway, the next morning I woke up in my bed, but the scary thing was that my pants were undone. first thought, omg I've been raped! after I asked everyone at the party, I figured that I wasn't raped. it was still pretty scary.

saturday: since there was alcohol left over, I decided to have a post birthday birthday party. very good times.

hmmm, what else. overall, I had a very good time. I'm very appreciative of those that went, and upset at those that didn't after I took the time to go to IB to invite them (Delta's). oh well, I guess I overestimated how much they could hang. either way, they're ONLY high school kids. lol.

closing arguments: true friends either find or make time for you. I appreciate all of them. I wish I could have been selfish and flown everyone down to me. o well.

P.S. - I didn't get the tattoo because the guy wasn't there. I've had time to think and I'm not sure if I want now. I think I'll get it when I'm older and have a better idea of who I am and what I'm doing.

Rene

it's my party!!! and I'll drink if I want to!!!

Thu, 06 Oct 2005 12:33:06 GMT

well, it's official. I'm having a big huge birthday party at my house tomorrow. well ok, maybe not big huge, but there will be people. pretty much everyone invited is coffee zone, sci-tech, pan-amd, the delta class, and any gammas that happen to be down. I don't think anyone's coming down though. either way it'll be fun.

I finally decided what I want my tattoo to be. two crossed flags, one the mexican flag, and the other the texas flag. I think it'll be cool and it's something I'm proud of. either way I talked to a guy at the drive thru at coffee zone who does work at a shop and invited to come in so he'll give me a good deal.

just one more day, until the big 19.

victory!!

Mon, 03 Oct 2005 13:42:29 GMT

we finally did it. Mexico won the world cup. ok, so it was the junior world cup, but it was still the world cup. el mundial. and we beat brazil doing it too. other than that, the cowboy's lost but I'm still wearing my colors.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do for my birthday. I don't know if I want to throw a party or not. and I have money, I'll have even more because I get paid on the fifth and I got ANOTHER raise. oooo I'm so badass. anyway, I need someone to steal me away and take me to do things I've never done before. maybe I'll just let my friends take me out to a strip bar, lol. time for chem class...

Rene, 18 and young going on 19 and a badass

i hate drama!!

Mon, 26 Sep 2005 14:01:56 GMT

so, a lot happened this weekend. Mitz came down from d-town. I worked, I partied, I didn't study as much as I should have. The cowboys won. I met a girl and am glad I got to know her, hope everything goes well for her.

my horoscopes been getting weirder and more exact. The other day it said Tonight: your libido awaits...I'm not even gonna say how that ended up. maybe it's because it's getting closer to my birthday.

hmm, what else. I'm looking for something to do on my birthday. Maybe I'll just go to the beach on a whim...I have money, maybe I'll go up to Tulsa, or down to Monterrey...or maybe I'll just stay at home. lol, all I know is that I need ideas.

oh yeah, Pan Am finally got one of those facebook thingies, so all I need is a pic of me and I'm set.

Rene

mexico! mexico!

Fri, 16 Sep 2005 13:24:35 GMT

woot woot go mexico!!

well, the band played yestarday, we set up in the living room of the house. My throat hurts so much. I need some honey shots. I thought that after so long of not playing, we would suck, but all we needed was some time to remember the songs, words, guitar solo's, but we've still got it. So it looks like we're playing every thursday, and now I have a full drum set at my house that I can bust out on.

I went motorcycle shopping the other day to get an idea of the price range I should be looking at, and I actually found some very well priced bikes. my dad helped me out and he pretty much knows what I'm looking for, so when he does pay me my money back, I'll have a kick-ass down payment on that bike. There are actually a lot of advantages...cheap on gas, I can cop some bad-ass parking, much cheaper than a car, and when I go up north to college, I can keep it or sell it if it gets in the way. Plus, it will actually raise the testosterone level that the truck gave me. The only bad thing is my mom doesn't want me to die, but she's come to grips with the convinience of the bike.

woot, I aint poor no more. I just got my last check from Denny's so I got a little bonus in the bank account. even though it's just a hundred dollars, it still helps. now to blow it all on liqour. lol j/k. maybe just twenty dollars for a bottle of vodka. now I just have to watch out for them gold diggers. cause I aint no broke mexican.

a little bit of "the punk song" from us. this song is super old and from junior year.

you can't get away
away from the cravings you feel every day
you have to find a way
a way to keep your feelings at bay

when I look into your eyes
I can't see you cause your too high
you're ruining your life
and your drowning in your own lies

with powder on your nose
you keep ignoring those
that care about you
the same familiar pose
but I know
the addiction is haunting you

from the mind, heart, and soul of Rene.

another day, another meal

Thu, 15 Sep 2005 16:38:38 GMT

so what has been happening? not much. I'm learning how to cook. I can make tuna helper very well. I've also learned how to make many types of eggs and how to apply them to tortillas, chorizo, hot dogs. all in all it's been a learning experience. I've also learned to not hate coffee and am using it to make it through my classes. It's actually a lot easier than trying to do it all natural, but I promise I'll never get addicted. hmm, what else? oh yeah, I'm super short on money (mostly because of books) and I'm doing my best to save for a trip to Austin. later I might try to go on to farther places to visit. hmm, well I realized the other day that I'm not having much of a college experience. Not meeting that many new people, or partying that much at all. just working, going to school, and partying on the weekends. Even then, I'm super tired and have to cut the night short. I'm not even meeting any new girls, lol. just this one married girl with a baby who wants to have an affair with me but I'm not attracted to her and she annoys me when I'm trying to work and she's coming on to me strongly.

I think this quote best explains my situation.
"I need a dime
that's top of the line
cute face
little waist
and a big behind."
-Mike Jones. who!? Mike Jones

neway, this is some dumb song I wrote that I actually kind of like because it kind of has a story line, but it's super sappy and lovey dovey. maybe one day it'll be a hit like the "reason" by hoobastank. lol, this song might catalize countless relationships...or just help guys get in girls pants when they sing it to them.

My Everything

I remember the first time that her saw her
and she walked into the room
a father's very gorgeous daughter
with the spirit of the moon
an angel with no wings
she made the birds sing
a perfect melody for her

This is the kind of girl
you want to give the world
and when you have her don't complain
you'll learn it's all worthwhile
just to see her smile
becasue she's not just anything
yeah, she's so much more

the stars in the sky
are reflections in her eyes
like sparks dancing from a fire.
around her I can sense
her sweet innocent
deep emotional desire.

This is the kind of girl
that I would give the world
and if I have her I won't complain.
I know it will be worthwhile
just to see her smile
I know she's not just anything
yeah, she must be more

and when she smiles it's beautiful
because she means it every time
I whis that she was mine
I'm going to lose my mind
I've got to push myself
and give it a try
and give it a try

now I take a chance
I ask her to dance
I put myself in this romance
I get it off my chest
I'm hoping for the best
I just want her to say yes

Now she's the girl
I'm giving my world
and I'll never complain, no.
I know that it's worthwhile
every time I see her smile
now she's my everything, she's mine.

she's my everything.

From the mind, heart and soul of Rene.

school is cool

Fri, 09 Sep 2005 13:29:32 GMT

well, I havn't updated this thing in a while and a lot has gone on. school started and I figured forget Denny's, so I quit and now I'm full time at Coffee Zone. I already got a raise and I expect to get another one by the next pay period. I love being a workhorse!

Anyway, school has been fun. I have to wake up every morning at about 7 so I can make it to my first classes at 7:45. then, right after I get out of my second class of the day I go straight to work for six hours and then go home, but the good thing is that my work hours work so much better with my schedule than Denny's ever could have. at school I don't have any classes with anyone that I know, but everyone and their mother from sci-tech is coming here so I see people every once in a while. I don't ever see anyone from IB. The only person I saw was Amanda. it's getting kind of lonely. lol. school is really easy. the classes are pretty dumb, but at least the chemistry is interesting. my english teacher sucks though. she's too nice, and she always starts talking about her cats and dumb things. I think I'm too used to Mott and I need some verbal abuse.

Damn, books are expensive. like, almost making me broke, expensive. and right now, I'm in a little financial rut. It's getting kind of bad. having to eat, tuna helper and kool-aid every day is wearing me down. and it seems like money is getting sucked out of me left and right. the truck breaks down, and gas is super expensive. I'm sure that I just want to get a motorcycle, even though the "mothers" in my life are trying to tell me no. a motorcycle is cheaper, better on gas, and it's not like I need the 2 ton army tank that I drive ALL the time, only when I'm hauling things around. plus, it's better than getting a little cheap girly car that'll take away all the testosterone points the truck gave me. now I just have to wait until my parents pay me back the 2 grand they owe me so I can get myself a sweet ride.

Overall, things are going well. I've got plans for the future, free school, a cool job...now all I need is a woman, but I problably won't have any time for her so I guess for the time being I'll stay single. either way, I always have my sanchas.